I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
