Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I love black thongs
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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