If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
