i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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