Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Damn victory sex feels great
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
