Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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