Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize