Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
