You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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