tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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