this beer tastes like vomit already
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
even my farts smell like vagina
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
