I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize