You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
