I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
