I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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