but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize