she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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