i don't like sucking hair
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
