hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
