I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
