there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
