I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
