don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
