Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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