i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
