I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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