just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
