we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
