How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i barfeds in our rink
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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