Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
