Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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