you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
