Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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