Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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