i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
