why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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