we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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