i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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