if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i love accidental penises.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
