I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize