I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
