I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
