I wish i was in the wii world.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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