I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
