You can't motorboat a personality
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize