My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
