Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
