well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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