I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
