I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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