i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
