I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
