try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize