I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
