he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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