I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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