the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
