Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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