I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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