who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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