I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
