Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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