When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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