i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
