To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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