you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
