I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
