But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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