we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
