I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I believe in your delicious
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
