does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
