So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
