doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
