Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
