You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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