? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
