do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
