I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
its liver damage thursday
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
