pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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