You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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