Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
