____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize