Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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